Monday, November 27, 2006 11:33 PM
ok...todays weather is totally crazy. juz like my mood today. i had onli one vv hot sunny sunshine. other than tat...it was totally raining.
i went to guzheng in the morning, but i went back home halfway. it was simply too boring n wasting my time lahs...i went there punctually lohs. at 8.30 sharp. then when i reach there...there was juz a number of ppl. so little amt of them onli!
so some of us decided to leave halfway. how would i know tat, when i juz boarded onto the bus not long after...jiamin called my hp. she reprimanded me as why i went halfway lahs...wth. totally ridiculous now tat i think of it. its not im angry with her or watever. but didn't she think of her own behaviour first?
when i was even leaving the sch...she was not even there yet! wahs...then why is she scolding me then? whos the one being late? n look whos the one scolding others?
hey...i wake up early in the morning to get to sch u know? while u can sleep soundly in ur bed till u feel like waking up. n when u reach to sch...u scold me fer leaving halfways? but think bout it...isn't it the same to you? i leave halfway...means also tat u come onli halfway. its the SAME! so wat right do u actually have to reprimand me?
when u were scolding me...i actually reali felt tat i was in the wrong n even felt guilty.(ok..i was fer leaving early) but then again...wat right do u have then? u didn't even set a good example urself! u also everytime leave guzheng halfway to go out. wat bout fengsheng then? he everytime also nv come, but why dnt i see u scolding him then? dnt let me guess correct... tat u are juz being bias or tat im nice to bully. for now...i still think im in the wrong n im sorry. but tis apology is definitely not fer u. its fer those that reach the same time to sch as me. for u...think about it then.(although i have some feeling tat u would be seeing my blog..due to ppl's 'recommandation'?)
ok...tat was a long long 'disaster'? but aniwaes...after tat i went home n then went with
lin to the polyclinic. we waited vv vv long fer the doctor.arghz.but...hahas. she so-called 'noobie' doctor was vv funny when he asked her to breathe in n out. hahas. i was holding my laughter hard man. omg...lol. after tat...we sat in front of the counter to wait to pay fer lin's payment.
(*an hour has passed...two hours has passed....three hours plus has passed*)
finally we went up to the counter to ask bout it. luckily b4 she asked...i saw a notice saying:" IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A PRESCRIPTION YOU CAN COME TO THE COUNTER ANYTIME FOR YOUR PAYMENT."
hahahahas.lol. luckily we saw the notice b4 we ask...or else...oh no! big big ma lu le. hahas.
ok...tat was fer the onli happy moment i have today.
other than tat...i quarrelled with my mum today also. i even lose my appetite fer my dinner. she seems like she dnt even trust me lahs...quarrel with me juz bcoz of one $0.45?! dots. normally i also will go out with my friends, its not like ytrd was the first day or watever. wth. at most i pay her tat amt of money lahs...happy? i think she purposely pick on me de lohs...she say she even wana tell my dad when he comes back. tell lahs...im not in the wrong lohs. i even apologised alr to her u know. my dad always tell me that no matter if im in the wrong or her...juz say 'sorry' n she will forgive u n nth much would happen. n i seriously rmbered his every word in my mind. but she still scolded n even beat me? seems tat even my dad's words are wrong? she even hope tat when my dad comes back n hears bout tis, i would get beaten up again. shes juz so happy tat i everytime get scolded n beaten up. wonder if im juz a 'pick up' baby or wat man. sometimes i feel like im not even part of tis family. fer tis time, i dnt think im in the wrong as i have already did my part and apologised. she is the one who owe my one apology bahs?(u said b4 tat no matter whos in the wrong, young or old, should also apologise)
n i even told her all the truth ytrd...if she dnt even care or take it to heart...then i juz feel tat my words have landed on deaf ears and those tears tat i drop are juz a waste.
heartless? cold-blooded? relax? *smirk*
pls...tis kinda choices is not i wana choose one okay..my dad said it b4 tat however good or bad a person is, mostly it is the cause of the family they grow up in. now...i seriously totally agree with tat. so...my heartless n cold-blooded feeling is not totally my cause. its also the parents upbringing then? wnt cry when my close ones passes away? tats me then. tats the result of my family upbringing then?
my mum even said it herself ytrd tat i,as a sister, didn't do much fer tis family. didn't do much, didn't i? okay..fine. tat means watever i did to u all in tis family matters nth to u, rights? it all means 0 huh? fine..i will not do nor put as much effort next time then. or should i put it as, tat i should juz stay as evil n useless like now?
tears huh...*smirk*
i dnt think i will drop one so easily next time le. its a waste. everytime family gathering u all would onli get ur eyes on brother and none fer me. didn't even see me at all then? tats why i dnt even feel like going out with ur. u always say tat i rather go out with my friends than family...*smirk* why dnt u go ask my friends then? i also decline them often ok. some of them even dnt like me now. why dnt u go think bout it then? u always see things in one part. i dnt like nor wish to explain things to ppl is coz i dnt think tat i have tat need to let one know all my reasons for my actions. but when im in the wrong i would explain myself. i dnt see why i need to let u know all my reasons, i tot u always know me the best. coz at least u had me in ur womb fer 8 mnths. but u let me down..deeply hurt. why did i even trust u so much, while u didn't even had any trust in me.
i seriously wish to leave tis heartless n not understanding place as soon as possible. i dnt wish to get anymore blows nor pity anymore. let me leave quietly. even if u ask me to end my life now...i would even give it a tot. coz i dnt wish to suffer nor hear anymore suffering much longer.
help me to get out. anyone.
(i tot tat u would be the one fer me...but u didn't turn up to be so)
