Thursday, June 04, 2009 9:44 AM
its nearly a month that i have not blog..
miss this space so much. (:
been really busy with school work.
and seriously, the assignments are driving me crazy!!!
*sigh* so relieved now that most of them are done and over with. :D
additionally, there was also this crowbar competition that i was hesitating if i should join and submit my entry.
finally, i made my last decision this morning. (thats why i think its important to blog!)
coz.. i have decided NOT TO submit.
it could be due to low-confidence in me. or just plain tiredness..
but i dont think its suitable for me to submit.
as shahidah said something before that hit me.. 'handling up work that you didn't put in effort, there is no point handling it in.'
yes! totally agree..
i guess i was just too anxious and 'rushed' with everything..
IT IS TIME FOR SAMANTHA TO SLOW DOWN HER PACE WITH LIFE!
(i hope that this and everyone else could help to remind me? :D)
this morning i woke up at 8am and laid on the bed thinking.. (again)
'what do i want in my life?'
&
'what is my definition of happiness in life?'
and yahs.. i have my answer after laying down on my bed thinking for almost 1 hr.
i just wan a simple life that is filled with simple love everyday. (:
tho i may be materialistic and longed for a luxury life, but.. i know in the back of my head, it's almost impossible.
but.. that's my dream! and i believe and wants to hang on tight to it..!!!
i duno why.. but its seems like im always sooo silly and stupid to have such a dream.
also, i just had a beautiful dream yesterday night..
[it was to be living in a beautiful home that could hear the waves of the sea. i wake up, to make breakfast, and on my radio softly to hear the soothing music playing. then.. i would take my camera, pencil and paper and go out of my house to the beach to 'work'. and when i come home, there would be the playing of the grand piano by my loved one.. (sadly, i don't know who is that. couldn't see the face) then on weekends, we would go down to the beach to collect seashells or just to hang on out on a simple date.]
everything there seems so beautiful, peaceful but yet loving, simple and perfect. (:
then when i also asked myself..
'who are you?'
tho i want the answer SO badly to be a career woman who holds much authority and power, having much wealth and wearing branded goods. or even a famous designer whose works are widely known..
but my heart answered...
just a simple girl who never grows up and lives in her own world, wanting a simple life.
i let down a tear again.
coz.. i felt that i let myself down.
im so bad that yet i didn't know what myself wanted. i was indeed so lost in this world.
no wonder i haven't felt happiness close to me for so long.. coz i have shut myself up.
except when im with my family.. i feel so much warmer and happier.
especially my mummy. i love her very much! :'D
samantha, it is time to roam back slowly to your suitable place and spot already, and stop being lost in the busy world..
everyone concerned and care about me are worried enough le. thank you all! (':
and as for my friends in my course.. sorry, and thank you.
indeed i need all my strength and encouragement at this point of time. hope that most people would help me regain 'samantha' again.. (:
i dont wanna wake up in tears nor in fever again..
i wanna wake up looking forward for a brand new day! :D
JIAYOUS!
